White Lies Lankan Kids Tell Their Parents

Ah, Lankan parents. We are the apples of their eyes, their pride and joy and… lying, stinking cheating offspring?

Ok look, we have to do what we have to do and we brown kids do it with finesse. Little white lies are something that every Lankan kid needs to navigate tricky parents (as we learn very quickly). Let’s face it, these lies don’t go away as we get older, they just evolve. From the first few years of our school lives to the rebellious teen/young adult years, let’s take a look at the most common lies that we tell our parents through the ages.

The school didn’t give out our marks yet

Yep, you flunked maths again. Perhaps cutting tuition classes had something to do with it? We all remember the anxiety that revolved around results day. We’d do anything to survive.

And usually, it would go pretty well. Until nosy aunty calls. “MY SON GOT 100 OUT OF 100 IN THE MATHS TEST! What did yours get?

Screwed.

 

 

Ammi/Thathi said I could

We all got tired of shuffling in between our parents asking for permission at some point. The smarter ones amongst us figured out a simple solution to this dilemma.

“Ammi/Thathi said I could”

Depending on which one was more likely to fall for it of course.

 

 

He/She is just a friend

Maybe it’s your secret high school love. Or your boyfriend of 5 years that you keep under wraps to avoid igniting the “so when are you going to get married” spark of questions.

Plot twist: they know the truth. Chances are they’ve found that stash of love letters under your bed or worse, had aunties call ammi up and tell them how they saw you hugging that boy at One Galle Face the other day. They are just humouring you.

 

 

Oh that was just the Uber driver

Same white Mini Cooper picking you up from the top of the road again and again? Girl, please.

 

I’ll be home by 11pm

The lie at the tip of every girl/boy’s tongue on a weekly basis. You tiptoe through the house hoping they won’t notice your high heels or your Axe body spray. But they do. You utter the dreaded words and leave, hoping that they will fall asleep before that. You have a few drinks and relax, partying until you realise it’s 2 am in the morning. You sneak back and do your usual tiptoe routine and you think you are almost successful until:

“PUUUUUUUUUUUTHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?”

 

 

 I don’t smoke, but my friends do

Those poor people do fall for this one. Until you leave a pack lying around in your handbag or the pocket of your jeans. Dumbass. Y’all never learn.

 

I’m not drunk, I’m just tired

Red eyes, alcohol-laced breath mixed with the scent of those cheap mints, stumbles and slurs and “you are just tired”? Let’s try to remember, our parents have already passed our age and drinking is a game our Lankan dads are experts at.

 

I’m fine

Mums especially have a sixth sense. They will notice your quiet sighs and that extra bit of food that you left on your plate. Perhaps this is the only time you lie for their benefit. They just don’t want to see you hurt. It hurts them ten times more. “I’m fine” is probably the saddest lie and the heaviest our hearts have ever been.

 

My phone died

No, it didn’t. You saw each call as it lit up your screen and you turned the ringer off. Or put it on airplane mode.

 

I didn’t block you on social media, I’m just digital detoxing.

You are probably doing them a favour with this one. Those boomerangs of tequila shots and pictures of weekend getaways with your boo will have their imaginations running wilder than leopards in the jungle.

 

 

So there you have it! What lies did you tell your parents? Let us know in the comments!

 

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